I have recently come to the conclusion that I may be slightly insane. As a matter of fact, I now believe that actors of all calibers are a little cray cray. I mean to constantly subject ourselves to the never-ending roller-coaster ride that is, "The Audition Process," is complete and total lunacy. And yes, I know that your supposed to go into every audition and "be yourself," "act natural,"and "just have fun."
I don't know about you, but to me, fun is spending the day watching Saturday morning cartoons (btw, whatever happened to those?). Fun is actually booking the gig and performing on set. Fun is getting a check for your performance that doesn't bounce after three days. But having a set of people in a room grilling you, staring at you, critiquing and judging you--that's not fun. Or at least by normal people standards, it shouldn't be.
However, I find myself strangely addicted to the pressure and the scrutiny that I face when auditioning. I like getting that email or call because a casting director has requested to see me. I like practicing my monologues animatedly in my car, only to see the driver of the car next to me staring at me nervously. I even like spending countless hours finding the perfect balance between being too prepared and having several planned choices ready for each side. I like the enclosed waiting areas, the stuffy rushed air of casting directors, and all of the uplifting or heartbreaking feedback that I sometimes receive. It's complicated, it's stressful, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
I left my auditions last week with a new sense of longing. It wasn't the desperation of "please, please, sweet baby Jesus in a manger, please cast me!" that I usually feel. And it wasn't the dreaded taunting playbacks of "should've-- would've--could've", tip-toeing around my head. My only hope was that I was remembered. And I kept thinking that even if I wasn't chosen for those specific roles, it would be great to be remembered for something else--the next time around.
I guess, at the end of the day, that's all that any actor can hope for from any audition. Anything else would drive a person bonkers!
And I've Been there, Done that, Got the T-shirt.
Stay Inspired,
Chantel Chavon
